Search results for: ""Shiv'a""

Shaving during Shloshim
If you shave regularly (can be every day or a few times each week), you may shave after 30 days but not within 30 even if for non-parent and certainly not for a parent. If you normally grow a beard, you may not shave until 3 months have passed since the last time you trimmed your beard (and as long as it is more than 30 days from the day shiva began for the parent).
In case of a large financial loss, consult a rabbi.
Note A large loss is subjective to the individual's actual wealth and also to that person's perception of what is a large loss
Onen Restrictions
An onen is prohibited from doing positive mitzvot so as not to be distracted from taking care of the dead body.
An onen may not:
  • Do any positive commandment (no blessings, prayers, shema…).
  • Eat meat or drink wine (until after the burial).
  • Work or operate a business.
Note Before the relative dies, if possible, the onen should sell his business for whatever days he or she will be an onen and in shiv'a. Otherwise, the owner may have to close the business until shiv'a is over.
Note If there will be a large financial loss, consult a rabbi.  A large loss is subjective to the individual's actual wealth and also to that person's perception of what is a large loss. Consult a rabbi for how much constitutes a large loss.
Introduction to Mourning

Who Is a Mourner

A mourner is defined in halacha as someone mourning during the 12-month mourning period for parents or the 30-day mourning period for the other five relatives (spouse, brother, sister, son, daughter). After 30 days, one is no longer a mourner for anyone but one's parents.

Mourners' Restrictions

If the mourner goes about business as usual, it may show he or she doesn't care about the close relative who died. The mourner should ideally not want to do these things. The mourner honors the dead person by refraining from pampering him/herself and refraining from going about his or her life as usual.

Public Meals

A mourner may not attend a public meal for any purpose. For example, if the mourner attends a lecture or Torah class at which food is being served, he or she may not eat the food. This only applies to sit-down meals; snacking is permitted.

Siyum/Brit/Bar Mitzva

After 30 days after a parent's burial, a mourner may:

  • Attend a siyum or bar mitzva and eat there.
  • Attend a brit but not eat there.
Note If there is music (live or recorded), the mourner must leave.

Weddings

A mourner may not eat at a wedding and may not even be in the wedding hall after the ceremony took. The mourner may also not hear the music at a wedding.

Exceptions
  • If the mourner is the parent of someone getting married, the mourner can fully participate in the wedding.
  • If the mourner is the bride or groom, he or she must normally wait to get married until after shloshim/30 days.
Note If it is after shiva, but still during shloshim, consult a rabbi.

Kiddush and Shabbat or Festival Meals

A mourner may not publicly (noticeably) mourn on Shabbat or festivals so he or she may attend Shabbat or festival meals and kiddushes if he or she would be expected to attend. If the mourner always or routinely invites some person or a lot of different people on Shabbat or festivals, it is still permitted. If the mourner does not routinely invite some person or a lot of different people to a Shabbat or festival meal, then he or she may not, for his or her own enjoyment, invite guests for meals. However, the mourner is permitted to do so for other purposes (for the benefit of the invited person or people), such as kiruv or hachnasat orchim. There is no limit to how many guests the mourner may host.

The mourner may attend or host a sheva brachot in his/her home.

A mourner should not be invited to meals, even for Shabbat or festivals; but if he/she was invited, he/she may go.

Holidays

A mourner does eat at a Purim or Jewish festival seuda, since there is no mourning on Purim nor on any festival (except Chanuka).

Sheva Brachot: What To Eat in order To Bless
A man saying any of the seven blessings does not need to have eaten bread at that meal, but he must have eaten enough food (anything except water or salt) to say an after-blessing.
Sheva Brachot: Over Which Cups To Bless
  • Birkat ha'mazon is made on one cup of wine at sheva brachot.
  • The first six sheva brachot blessings are made on the second cup.
  • Borei pri ha'gafen is made on the first cup.
Sheva Brachot: Mixing the Cups

After the blessings have been said:

  • Pour some wine from the two cups into a third cup.
  • Pour some wine back into the first two cups.
  • The bride, groom, and person who made the blessing each drink from a different cup.

Note Each cup will contain some wine from each of the original two cups on which the blessings had been made.

Sheva Brachot: Who Drinks
  1. Under the chuppa, the groom and bride drink the wine.
  2. At the meals, the sheva brachot leader plus the bride and groom drink, and anyone else who wants to drink may do so.
Sheva Brachot: When to Bless
At any meal with bread that was made to honor the bride and groom during the first week of marriage, say the introductory lines each time (dvei haser...; the leader says the leader's lines and everyone else says their lines), even if you have two or more such meals in one day.
Sheva Brachot: Order of Blessings

The order of blessings is the same every time sheva brachot are said--except under the chuppa, when the first blessing is borei pri ha'gafen.
Note At all other times, borei pri ha'gafen is the final blessing.

Note If the blessings are said out of order, it is OK.

Introduction to Sheva Brachot
At the end of the wedding meal, the seven blessings (sheva brachot) are said in birkat ha'mazon.  The final blessing is on wine. This is the only required festive meal after the wedding. Any festive meal on the subsequent six days is optional but, when held, all the blessings are required.

 

Sheva Brachot: Celebration Period

If the bride and/or groom had never been married before, there are seven days of celebration (don't go to work, no tachanun). If both bride and groom were married before, there is one day of sheva brachot (in birkat ha'mazon) at the meal eaten after the chuppa, but three days of celebration (don't go to work, no tachanun).  

Note Neither husband nor wife should go to work; however, if the husband gives his wife permission, she may work.
How Many Present at Sheva Brachot
To be able to say the special blessings after a festive sheva brachot meal, there must be present at least:
  • 10 Jewish males at least 13 years old, and
  • One person (male or female) who was not present at the wedding or at

    any meals since then with the bride and groom.

 
Monetary Value
Shava Pruta: Value of a pruta coin; value of ½ a barley grain's volume in silver.
Note Shava pruta signifies the smallest usable amount of money. Since not much can be bought for 1 cent (or less!), a dime is about the value we should use as a minimum.
Taking Items
You may not take items that do not belong to you even if they are worth less than a shava pruta, unless the items have no perceived value.
 
Which Havdala Beverage
Wine or grape juice is the preferred beverage for havdala, but any common beverage (chamar medina) that is drunk for social reasons is acceptable.
Note Wine from birkat ha'mazon of se'uda shlishit may be used for havdala EXCEPT if the meal was a sheva brachot and as long as the wine was not drunk from at the meal.
Prayers that Require a Minyan
Although it is preferable to join a minyan whenever possible, prayer services may be said without a minyan. However, certain prayers may be said (or omitted) only with a minyan present:
  • Bar'chu (morning and night),
  • The word “Eloheinu” in the birkat ha'mazon introduction,
  • Kaddish,
  • Kedusha,
  • Reader's repetition of the amida,
  • Sheva brachot (the seven blessings) at a wedding,
  • Sheva brachot during the week following the wedding,
  • 13 midot in selichot,
  • Torah reading if there will be aliyot, and
  • Skipping the three introductory words for the shema.
Note A minyan is preferable but not required for a circumcision.