• Birkat ha'mazon is made on one cup of wine at sheva brachot.
• The first six sheva brachot blessings are made on the second cup.
• Borei pri ha'gafen is made on the first cup.

After the blessings have been said:

• Pour some wine from the two cups into a third cup.
• Pour some wine back into the first two cups.
• The bride, groom, and person who made the blessing each drink from a different cup.

Note Each cup will contain some wine from each of the original two cups on which the blessings had been made.

1. Under the chuppa, the groom and bride drink the wine.
2. At the meals, the sheva brachot leader plus the bride and groom drink, and anyone else who wants to drink may do so.

The order of blessings is the same every time sheva brachot are said--except under the chuppa, when the first blessing is borei pri ha'gafen.
Note At all other times, borei pri ha'gafen is the final blessing.

Note If the blessings are said out of order, it is OK.

To be able to say the special blessings after a festive sheva brachot meal, there must be present at least:

• 10 Jewish males at least 13 years old, and
• One person (male or female) who was not present at the wedding or at

  any meals since then with the bride and groom.

 

Wine or grape juice is the preferred beverage for havdala, but any common beverage (chamar medina) that is drunk for social reasons is acceptable.

Although it is preferable to join a minyan whenever possible, prayer services may be said without a minyan. However, certain prayers may be said (or omitted) only with a minyan present:

• Bar'chu (morning and night),
• The word “Eloheinu” in the birkat ha'mazon introduction,
• Kaddish,
• Kedusha,
• Reader's repetition of the amida,
• Sheva brachot (the seven blessings) at a wedding,
• Sheva brachot during the week following the wedding,
• 13 midot in selichot,
• Torah reading if there will be aliyot, and
• Skipping the three introductory words for the shema.

If you recite birkat ha'mazon after se'uda shlishit over a cup of wine, you may only drink the wine if the meal ended before sunset.  

Who Is a Mourner

A mourner is defined in halacha as someone mourning during the 12-month mourning period for parents or the 30-day mourning period for the other five relatives (spouse, brother, sister, son, daughter). After 30 days, one is no longer a mourner for anyone but one's parents.

Mourners' Restrictions

If the mourner goes about business as usual, it may show he or she doesn't care about the close relative who died. The mourner should ideally not want to do these things. The mourner honors the dead person by refraining from pampering him/herself and refraining from going about his or her life as usual.

Public Meals

A mourner may not attend a public meal for any purpose. For example, if the mourner attends a lecture or Torah class at which food is being served, he or she may not eat the food. This only applies to sit-down meals; snacking is permitted.

Siyum/Brit/Bar Mitzva

After 30 days after a parent's burial, a mourner may:

• Attend a siyum or bar mitzva and eat there.
• Attend a brit but not eat there.

Note If there is music (live or recorded), the mourner must leave.

Weddings

A mourner may not eat at a wedding and may not even be in the wedding hall after the ceremony took. The mourner may also not hear the music at a wedding.

Exceptions

• If the mourner is the parent of someone getting married, the mourner can fully participate in the wedding.
• If the mourner is the bride or groom, he or she must normally wait to get married until after shloshim/30 days.

Note If it is after shiva, but still during shloshim, consult a rabbi.

Kiddush and Shabbat or Festival Meals

A mourner may not publicly (noticeably) mourn on Shabbat or festivals so he or she may attend Shabbat or festival meals and kiddushes if he or she would be expected to attend. If the mourner always or routinely invites some person or a lot of different people on Shabbat or festivals, it is still permitted. If the mourner does not routinely invite some person or a lot of different people to a Shabbat or festival meal, then he or she may not, for his or her own enjoyment, invite guests for meals. However, the mourner is permitted to do so for other purposes (for the benefit of the invited person or people), such as kiruv or hachnasat orchim. There is no limit to how many guests the mourner may host.

The mourner may attend or host a sheva brachot in his/her home.

A mourner should not be invited to meals, even for Shabbat or festivals; but if he/she was invited, he/she may go.

Holidays

A mourner does eat at a Purim or Jewish festival seuda, since there is no mourning on Purim nor on any festival (except Chanuka).

 

1. What Makes a Woman a Nida

 
Introduction to What Makes a Woman a Nida
Vaginal Blood Flow
Only vaginal blood flow makes a woman nida. 
 
Nida D'Oraita
According to Torah law (d'oraita), a woman becomes a nida when she experiences a flow of uterine blood, preceded or accompanied by a hargasha. Because uterine blood flow is difficult to distinguish from the more general vaginal blood flow, we assume that a vaginal blood flow is from the uterus--unless a medical person (it could be a midwife) determines that the blood flow is not uterine.
 
Nida D'Rabanan
 
By rabbinic law (d'rabanan), a woman can become a nida even with only a qualifying stain (see below).

Hargasha
A hargasha is anything that signals that the woman's period is imminent. There are three classical hargashot, as well as possible hargashot that pertain only to an individual woman.
Note Many women today do not have hargashot.
 
Classical Hargashot
There are three classical hargashot:
1) Body Tremor
2) Petichat HaMakor
Some women, at petichat ha'makor (“opening of the uterus”), have a sensation of release similar to when one's bladder opens to urinate.
3) Zivat Davar Lach
Sensation of wet discharge that comes only with her period; this is not the wet discharge that every woman normally feels multiple times daily.
Note She does not necessarily need to feel it coming from her cervix in order for it to make her a nida.
 
Individual Hargashot
What Is an Individual Hargasha
The individual hargasha can be any physiological occurrence (pimples on her face, a bout of yawning, a bloated feeling in the belly, etc.) that correlates with a woman's getting her period within 24 hours. To become established as a hargasha, it must have happened three times in a row.
 
Note Cramps for most women may be a hargasha, since they may mean that the woman is about to have her period.
 
When a woman has a hargasha, we assume that her period has started, and she should immediately stop what she is doing and check internally with a bedika cloth. If she does a bedika as soon as possible and the cloth shows a forbidden color, or shows no discharge at all, she immediately becomes nida for at least 12 days, after which she goes to the mikva. 
Note If she had a hargasha and finds no blood and no discharge, she becomes a nida, since we assume there was blood and she just didn't find it.  If the bedika cloth shows brown, magenta, salmon, brick, amber, orange, etc., the rabbi will want to see the cloth to determine her status.
Note Most medium browns are OK.
 
What To Do If Not Sure
If she is not sure she has had a hargasha, she asks a rabbi and together they will sort out the answer.
 
 
Nida D'Rabanan
 
Stain (without Hargasha)
 
Stain Colors
A rabbi should be consulted in all matters of questionable colors of stains.  Some may seem to you to be forbidden but turn out to be permissible, and vice versa.
 
Stain Location
A stain of a color that could make a woman a nida can be on material or on the woman's body. None of the following lenient conditions apply if the woman is nida d'oraita:
   

1. Not positively attributable to another cause, AND
2. At least the size of a gris. For small, unconnected spots, she must evaluate whether, together, they equal the size of a gris (on material, the spots DO NOT get combined). If yes, she should consult a rabbi.

 
 
II. HARCHAKOT: How Do the Couple Conduct Themselves while the Wife is a Nida?
 
According to Torah law, when a woman is a nida, she and her husband are prohibited not only from having intercourse, but also (“lo tikrav”—Vayikra 18:19) from having any physical contact of a passionate or romantic nature (negiya shel chibuk v'nishuk)--those patterns of physical contact that often lead to intercourse. Since the penalty for violation is kareit, husband and wife should live separately during the nida period, but because we don't, we use “distancers” (harchakot) as reminders of distance while living together in the same home. The harchakot sensitize us to the smallest gestures of love. The couple who know that in a finite amount of time their union will not only be permitted, but even be davar sh'bekedusha--a thing of sanctity--will have the willpower to wait it out.
 
These harchakot are applied during the nida period:
                                 
III. Tahara after Nida:    

1. Wash or cleanse lower regions of the body.
2. Do an internal check/bedika: Insert a white cloth into vagina and circle it around to make sure to get every nook and cranny.
3. Moch dachuk: Insert a bedika cloth within two halachic hours of sunset and leave it in until after dark.

 

1. Bedika

 

2. White Underpants

 

3. No Hesech Da'at

A woman does not need to think about the seven clean days all of the time, but she must keep in mind, during the entire nida purification process, that she is not in an active nida state.  
Situation A woman found a stain and asked a rabbi about it. She assumed she was definitely nida.
What To Do Once she assumes that she has become a nida during that seven-day period, she must begin her count again--even once she has found out that she was not, in fact, a nida. 
Note If she asked the rabbi while not yet assuming that she was definitely a nida, she may continue her original count after the rabbi determines that she was not a nida.

• Full body cast.
• Being covered with sand.
• Being sweaty from head to toe.

• Moisturizer that covers most of her body.
• Adhesive that is left on her skin after a band-aid has been removed.
• Imperfect manicure, if she would not go to an interview like that.

         
 

• Shalom Bayit (in this case, she is not permitted see her husband until after dark Friday night).
• Dangerous Neighborhood.
• Infertility Issues (if she will miss ovulation if she does not go Friday night).

    Kosher immersion/tevila requires simultaneous immersion of every exposed part of the body (not bet ha'starim).   Here is the best way to accomplish simultaneous immersion:

• Enter the water until it is about 12 inches above the navel. 
• Make sure that every part of your body is relaxed (if you squeeze anything, you create crevices and cracks that impede complete access to your skin). 
• “Flesh”/basar is exposed to the water when standing while leaning a little forward.
• Exhale and push yourself under the water until you are certain that all of your body and all of your hair are submerged. 
• Once your head is above the surface of the water, say the blessing and then immerse again, the same way.

 
IV. Anticipating the Next Period/Veset
 
What To Anticipate
In anticipating the time of the month when her period is most likely to occur (onat ha'veset), a woman must determine both:

1. The day of the month, and
2. Whether it will begin during the daytime period (sunrise to sunset) or the nighttime period (from sunset to sunrise)

 
Regular and Irregular
Every woman needs to be able to anticipate her next period, whether she is a) regular or b) irregular. “Regular” is determined by any pattern to one's menstrual cycle that occurs three times in a row.
Note It is very uncommon for a woman to maintain her regular period for a long time.
 
Anticipating a Regular Period
Here are the five most classic regular patterns:

1. Veset HaChodesh (Monthly Cycle)

   

2. Veset Haflaga (Intervals Cycle)

 

3. Veset HaGuf (Body Symptoms Cycle)

 

4. Veset HaMurkav (Combination Cycle)

    A woman with an irregular period may have to abstain from relations and affectionate intimate contact (negiya shel chibuk v'nishuk) during these three onot/time periods:

1. Yom HaChodesh

 

2. Haflaga

 

3. Ona Beinonit