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Introduction to Sheva Brachot
At the end of the wedding meal, the seven blessings (sheva brachot) are said in birkat ha'mazon.  The final blessing is on wine. This is the only required festive meal after the wedding. Any festive meal on the subsequent six days is optional but, when held, all the blessings are required.

 

Sheva Brachot: Celebration Period

If the bride and/or groom had never been married before, there are seven days of celebration (don't go to work, no tachanun). If both bride and groom were married before, there is one day of sheva brachot (in birkat ha'mazon) at the meal eaten after the chuppa, but three days of celebration (don't go to work, no tachanun).  

Note Neither husband nor wife should go to work; however, if the husband gives his wife permission, she may work.
Tum'a and Drying Hands before Handwashing
To wash hands from tum'a or all other purposes, you do not need to dry your hands first--except before washing for bread, and then ONLY if the person who washed hands before you:
  • Did not use a revi'it of water (per hand) to wash his/her hands, AND
  • Only poured once on each hand.
In sum, you almost never need to dry your hands before washing them!

However, if the person before you had tum'a on his or her hands and poured only once, the tum'a will be transferred from his/her hands to the cup. 
Birkat HaMazon: Women's Mezuman and Minyan
Women (even if 10 or more) do not make a minyan, only a mezumanSo do not say the birkat ha'mazon's minyan introduction but simply say the mezuman introduction if:
  • 10 or more women ate together, without men present;
  • At least two women washed, said ha'motzi, and ate bread; AND
  • At least one more woman ate some type of food.
Note Women are never required to make a mezuman. So when three women are eating together and no men are present, they may say birkat ha'mazon as a mezuman but they are not required to do so.
Introduction to Shmita
Every seventh year, fruits, vegetables, grains, and legumes grown in Eretz Yisrael are subject to the laws of “shmita,” which entail letting the land rest.
Holiness of Shmita Produce
Fruits, vegetables, grains, legumes, etc., grown in Eretz Yisrael holiness.  This holiness determines how we may treat fruit during shmita, including how to eat it and how to dispose of it.
Which Produce Is Subject to Shmita Laws?
All fruits, vegetables, grains, and legumes that grow in Eretz Yisrael are subject to shmita laws.  However, since there is a rabbinic decree that we may not eat vegetables and grains (called “sfichin”) that grow in Eretz Yisrael during shmita year, we will mainly be discussing fruits.
Note Vegetables, grains, and legumes that are not raised in halachic Eretz Yisrael are never subject to shmita laws.  So if a fruit or vegetable was grown outside the borders of Second Temple period Eretz Yisrael, you may eat that fruit or vegetable with no shmita concerns.  Such areas may include much of the southern part of the State of Israel, including the Arava and southern Negev all the way to Eilat, land south of Gaza, etc.  Some people include the Golan. Many people also include any land currently “owned” by Arabs.
Plants grown off the ground or inside a house are also not subject to shmita.
When Is Shmita?
The next shmita year will be observed beginning Rosh Hashana, September 2014.
Jewish Festivals: Daytime Kiddush
To fulfill the two requirements for Jewish festival daytime kiddush:
  1. Say, or hear, at least #b and #c of these Jewish festival daytime kiddush blessings/segments:
    a) Eileh mo'adei Adonai mikra'ei kodesh asher tikri'u otam b'mo'adam.
    Note It is not a universal custom to say the above sentence.
    b) Va'yidaber Moshe eht mo'adei Adonai el bnei yisrael.
    Note It IS a universal custom to say the above sentence. AND
    c) Borei pri ha'gafen (if on wine or grape juice), OR
    She'hakol nihiyeh bi'dvaro (if on other beverage/chamar medina).
    Note For Jewish festival (or Saturday) lunch and havdala, you may use any beverage (chamar medina) commonly drunk for social purposes (not just for thirst) in the country in which you are saying kiddush (say the blessing she'hakol instead of borei pri ha'gafen where appropriate).
    Note There is never any requirement on an indvidual to drink kiddush wine (except at the Passover seder), but the kiddush wine must be drunk by one or more persons.
  2. Establish a halachic “meal” (kovei'a se'uda).
    You must establish the halachic meal required for kiddush shortly after hearing Jewish festival morning kiddush. See How To Fulfill Eating Jewish Festival Second Meal.
    Note If you make Jewish festival morning kiddush on any beverage except wine or grape juice, you must also eat mezonot or bread to establish the kiddush meal. If you do not want to eat bread or mezonot, only drinking 3.3 fl. oz. (99 ml) of wine or grape juice within 30 seconds will fulfill all of the requirements for kiddushIf you have not fulfilled the requirements for kiddush, you may not eat other foods, such as fruit or fish at a kiddush.
Jewish Festivals: Evening Kiddush
To fulfill the two requirements for Jewish festival evening kiddush:
  1. Make Kiddush
    Say, or hear, the three Jewish festival evening kiddush blessings/segments:
    1. Borei pri ha'gafen (if on wine or grape juice—preferred option), OR
      Ha'motzi (on two challot if you have no wine or grape juice, since no chamar medina is allowed for Jewish festival evening kiddush; see Jewish Festivals: Kiddush: Challot for Kiddush) AND
    2. Asher bachar banu mi kol am.... mekadeish Yisrael v'hazmanim, AND
    3. She'hecheyanu on all Jewish festival nights, except the last two nights of Passover.  So say she'hecheyanu on:
      • Both nights of Rosh Hashana (in or outside of Eretz Yisrael),
      • First two nights of Passover (1 night in Eretz Yisrael),
      • Both nights of Shavuot (1 night in Eretz Yisrael),
      • First two nights of Sukkot (1 night in Eretz Yisrael), and
      • Nights of Shmini Atzeret and Simchat Torah (same day in Eretz Yisrael).
      Note There is never any requirement on an indvidual to drink kiddush wine (except at the Passover seder), but the kiddush wine must be drunk by one or more persons.
      Note A woman who had said she'hecheyanu when she lit the Jewish festival candles does NOT say she'hecheyanu again if she makes kiddush for herself, even when making kiddush at the Passover seder.
      Note There is no need to eat a new fruit after saying she'hecheyanu on the second night of  Shavuot, Passover, or Sukkot. This is not comparable to Rosh Hashana, since the second festival night was instituted due to uncertainty of the actual date of the holiday, while Rosh Hashana is considered to be one single, long day.
  2. Establish a halachic “meal” (kovei'a se'uda).
    For how to establish a halachic meal, see Introduction to Jewish Festival “Eating a Meal” Requirements.
Note For evening kiddush, the custom is to go straight to the meal without delay (with no mezonot or snacking first).  B'di'avad if you snacked, it is still OK.
Note At night on Jewish festivals (or Shabbat), you may not say kiddush at a place where you will not eat your evening meal (even if you will hear or say kiddush again at the place where you will eat the meal).
Introduction to Lashon HaRa
Lashon ha'ra is saying (or communicating in any way--even by rolling your eyes, winking, etc.) anything derogatory or negative about someone that can hurt him or her in any way--by causing embarrassment, loss of money, lowered esteem, bad reputation, etc. 
 
Lashon ha'ra in which you attribute the negative statement about the person to whom you are speaking to someone else is called rechilut (gossip). 
 
Lashon ha'ra that is false is called motzi shem ra. Saying something that is true is not lashon ha'ra if it is being said for a positive purpose (even though the same words would be lashon ha'ra if they were only intended to hurt another person and had no positive purpose).
 
Lashon ha'ra, including rechilut, is forbidden to be said about shomer Shabbat Jews except for a positive purpose; motzi shem ra is forbidden to say about anyone--Jewish or not, shomer Shabbat or not, whether for a positive purpose or not.
 
Speaking Lashon HaRa
 
When You May Say Lashon HaRa
Lashon ha'ra, including rechilut, even if truthful, is not permitted except for a constructive or positive purpose. (Motzi shem ra is never permitted.) Its purpose cannot be to hurt a person.  It is permitted and recommended to tell the facts about someone:
  1. To protect others from being hurt (being cheated, molested, etc.), or
  2.  For a positive purpose that cannot be achieved through any other means.
 
Lashon HaRa To Protect Others from Being Hurt
You may say truthful lashon ha'ra (including rechilut, if it is necessary to divulge the name of the person who told you):
  • To prevent a bad person from telling children bad things or to keep children from learning bad behavior from the bad person;
  • To avoid being implicated in what the bad person is doing;
  • To prevent other Jews' suffering a loss by using a worker who did bad work for you.
Note You may not say that X is a bad/inexperienced workman, even if that is the truth, unless the listener needs to know this to protect himself or herself.
  • If a businessman cheats you or lies to you, you should warn other Jews about him (but only if you suspect they want to do business with him).
  • If you know something bad about someone who a third person wants to date or marry, in many cases you are required to tell what you know (but this can be very complicated and dangerous and a rabbi should be consulted about what to do in many cases)!
 
When You May Add Facts to Correct Possible Lashon HaRa
If the reasons behind an action are not clear and someone may get the wrong/negative impression of someone in question, then you should tell the facts and tell the entire story. 
Example
Someone (A) insults another person (B) in public. Entire story is that B beat up A previously. Knowing the full story changes how people might view A.
Note If it is only your opinion, state that instead of declaring it as fact.
 
Lashon HaRa To Allow Gain
Saying lashon ha'ra for a positive purpose includes gain for yourself or for someone else; you may talk about others in cases such as these:
  • Psychotherapy  You may say truthful lashon ha'ra or rechilut to a psychotherapist since you don't know what is important. Outside of therapy and with non-therapists, you may say anything that will bring about a positive result (and only if there is no other way to achieve that result).
Examples
Abusive Parent
If a child needs to know what an abusive parent did or is doing in order to heal from damage, or if a therapist says it is necessary for the child to be told what the abusive parent did.
 
Abusive Spouse
If it will help the healing process for an abused spouse to talk about what he or she suffered.
 
  • Upset  If you are upset by what a person did to you and it will help you to calm down by telling what was done to you (that is, you will gain by feeling better).
 
Note If you want to ask someone for information that could be lashon ha'ra, you should say why you are asking so the other person will understand that it is for a positive purpose and is therefore not lashon ha'ra.
 
 
Lashon HaRa and Specific Cases
 
Children, Shomer Shabbat Person, Groups
Even truthful lashon ha'ra, including rechilut, may not be said about a Jewish child or a shomer Shabbat person or group of people unless for a positive purpose that cannot be achieved any other way.
  • A parent should not rebuke or criticize a child if it will embarrass the child in front of others.
  • A child (whether young or adult) may not correct a parent who is saying lashon ha'ra, unless the parent would want to be reminded that the parent is saying lashon ha'ra. Even then, it must be done respectfully. 
  • You may make statements about groups of people in general, even if negative, as long as the purpose is to protect other people from them. But what you say must be true.   
Note It is not lashon ha'ra to talk truthfully about someone who cannot be identified. (You may say “someone,” but only if that person is not identifiable.)
 
Lashon HaRa: Public Knowledge
You may mention information that is public knowledge. But your intent should not be to spread the word, but rather just to pass along interesting information.
Example
Saying, “Did you hear that the president of the synagogue just got convicted of...”
 
Lashon HaRa: Mass Media
You may read in the paper, see on TV, or hear on the radio an account of someone's bad behavior (since you cannot know whether it will affect you or be important for you to know until you read or hear the information, it may be OK; ask a rabbi). You may not accept it as being the complete truth, but you should be wary.
 
Lashon HaRa: Shomer Shabbat Public Figure
You may not tell or listen to lashon ha'ra about a public figure who is a shomer Shabbat Jew unless there is a purpose.
You may give your opinion about a shomer Shabbat politician as long as you state it as your opinion and as long as giving your opinion may help other people.
 
Lashon HaRa: Shomer Shabbat Organization
You may not say any of the three types of speaking ill about an organization, school, synagogue, etc., whose members or employees are shomer Shabbat--except for a positive purpose.
Examples
You may not say any of the three types of lashon ha'ra about a Jewish school's cost, bad teachers, etc., unless it may be relevant to future students (and even if it is relevant, you may still not say motzi shem ra).
You may not say, “I don't like that shul because there is lots of talking,” unless you think the person will appreciate knowing since he or she will not want to go to a shul with lots of talking.
 
Lashon HaRa: Asked for Opinion
If you are asked for your opinion, you may give it if it is relevant (has a useful purpose) to the person asking. Otherwise, no comment.
 
If you are asked your opinion about a Torah lecture or lecturer, you may give your opinion only AS your opinion, not as criticism.
 
Lashon HaRa: Told in Confidence
If you have been told something in confidence, even if you think it is best for the person who told you if you pass it along, you may still not re-tell anyone else. You may say, “I cannot speak about that” if you are asked. Consult a rabbi.
 
Lashon HaRa: Getting Back at Someone
If someone hurts you, you may get back at the person at the time of the action against you.  But afterward, it would be revenge and is forbidden.
Example
Someone tells you, “You are good for nothing.” You may say, “You are worse than I am,” if it makes you feel better.
 
Lashon HaRa: Bet Din Summons
If someone with whom you have a problem refuses a hazmana (summons) from a bet din, you may publicize a letter from the bet din saying the person refused the hazmana so that the recipient might agree to go to the bet din due to public embarrassment.
 
Lashon HaRa: Bet Din for Abuse
All matters between Jews should, ideally, initially go to bet din but only if the bet din is capable of resolving the problem. In cases of suspected child or spousal (or other) abuse, you may report it to the police if there is no bet din that is capable of dealing with the problem immediately: You are not required to wait while a bet din gets around to your case. The key is to expedite the case.
Note Some cities have special batei din for such matters.
Note Beware of governmental agencies that may take away children from their homes, even without evidence.
 
Listening to and Believing Lashon HaRa
Listening to and believing any category of lashon ha'ra is also forbidden. If you do hear something bad about someone else, do not believe that it is definitely true--but you may believe that it might be true. When you hear lashon ha'ra:
  • You can try to change the subject, since pointing out that lashon ha'ra is being said may not stop it from being said.
  • If you see a shomer Shabbat Jew doing something that seems to be forbidden, you should judge him/her favorably and assume that there is a good interpretation to what is being done.
Example
Situation
You see someone who is not shomer mitzvot get in a car on Shabbat.
What To Do
Make the logical assumption that he/she is going to drive (and not for a halachically permissible purpose).
Situation
You see a shomer Shabbat person get in a car on Shabbat.
What To Do
Assume there is a good, halachic reason for it. However, you may not ignore reality or make implausible or unlikely excuses for bad behavior.
When Hechsher NOT Needed
Processed Food without Hechsher: Is It Kosher?
 
If a processed food does not have supervision/hashgacha, here are some issues to consider:
  • Ingredients;
  • Utensils/processing equipment;
  • Bishul akum/“prestigious” foods that require Jewish involvement in the cooking;
  • Heating system (recirculated steam?);
  • Heter for milk without being supervised - which conditions and countries can be relied on;
  • Non-food ingredients (lubricants, preservatives, emulsifiers...);
  • Reliability of the producer;
  • Is the non-kosher ingredient batel/nullified?
    • ownership (Is the food's producer or owner Jewish?)
    • intended consumer (Is the food being produced specifically for Jews, or is it for the public and Jews are some of the customers)?
    • Was the non-kosher substance added intentionally?
    • Does the non-kosher substance have flavor?
    • Was the non-kosher substance added for flavor?
A hechsher/kosher supervision is not needed on:
  • Beer made in the US (and sometimes in other countries).
  • Nuts (dry roasted) without additives.
  • Olives--assumed to be kosher unless mixed with ingredients that may be non-kosher, such as:
    • Vinegar (sometimes made from grapes).
    • Non-kosher chemical preservatives (in commercially sold olives).
    Note In open markets in which olives are sold in bulk, you may eat olives after checking the ingredients.
  • Olive oil (extra virgin).
  • Pure fruit juice NOT made from concentrate (such as orange or pineapple juice) does not normally require a hechsher (except for grape juice, which always requires a hechsher!).
    Note Juices from concentrate might have kashrut problems due to the vats in which they are cooked or pasteurized. If you can verify how the juice was processed and that there are no kashrut problems, you may use the juice without a hechsher. There may also be problems with juice made from fruit or vegetables which were grown in Eretz Yisrael, due to orla, shmitta, teruma and maaser.
  • Scotch whiskey--even where it might have been aged in sherry casks.
    Reason Any sherry would be nullified as less than 1/6th. 
    Note Other types of whiskey may not be kosher because:
    • Glycerine may have been added;
    • The whiskey may have been owned by a Jew during Passover in a previous year; or
    • Milk, or alcohol derived from milk, might have been added.
  • Sugar (confectioner's) needs kosher supervision only for Passover. Regular sugar never needs kosher supervision (currently).
  • Unprocessed foods such as
    • Raw fruits and vegetables (but might need to be checked for insects), and
    • Water, but some unfiltered tap water might have tiny creatures in it which make the water non-kosher.
Note Several websites list additional foods that do not need supervision to be trusted as kosher.
 
Goal of Creation
Shabbat was the goal of Creation. Just as God completed the world's creation on the sixth day and ceased His work on the seventh, so Jews are supposed to imitate God and not do any creative work on the seventh day. Everything we need for living through Shabbat must be prepared ahead so that we do not do any creative activities on Shabbat.
Our observance of Shabbat thus testifies that God created the world. In the Shabbat kiddush, we mention the Exodus from Egypt, too, to testify to the world that God is continuously involved in our lives.
By ceasing our normal efforts to dominate the physical world, we can appreciate the spiritual aspects of our existence.
On Shabbat, all observant (shomer Shabbat) Jews receive an extra “soul.”

Zachor and Shamor

Remember (Zachor) the Sabbath day to make it holyExodus/Shmot 20:8
Observe (Shamor) the Sabbath day to make it holyDeuteronomy/Devarim 5:12
Shabbat has two dimensions:
  • Zachor  “Remember,” encompassing positive (“to do”) commandments, and
  • Shamor  “Observe,” encompassing negative (“refrain from”) commandments.
Note Women, who are normally exempt from positive, time-dependent commandments, must do both positive and negative Shabbat commandments since, according to tradition, God said both words simultaneously. This is unlike Jewish festivals, when women are often exempt from positive, time-dependent commandments.

Zachor:  Positive Shabbat Commandments
What Are Positive Shabbat Commandments
Positive Shabbat commandments include:
  • Lighting candles,
  • Making kiddush evening and morning,
  • Making havdala,
  • Honoring Shabbat (Kivod Shabbat), and
  • Enjoying Shabbat (Oneg Shabbat), including eating three meals on Shabbat.
Honoring Shabbat: Special Food and Clothes
Honoring Shabbat includes eating tasty food and wearing nice clothes.

Shamor: Negative Shabbat Commandments
Shabbat Laws from the Torah (Shabbat D'Oraita)
What Are Melachot
On the Jewish day of rest, we refrain from 39 creative activities (melachot) that had been used to build the Tabernacle in the wilderness. These 39 melachot, prohibited by the Torah, are listed in the mishna of Shabbat and in later halacha books.

The word melacha is frequently mistranslated as “work,” but work has nothing to do with the Jewish concept of melacha. Some melachot are physically strenuous (plowing, grinding wheat, skinning an animal) and some are easy to do (drawing, baking). The defining point is whether the activity is one of the 39 creative, value-adding labors. Emptying your pockets before leaving an eruv (so you are not “carrying”) may seem confusing to someone who thinks that resting on Shabbat means refraining only from hard physical labor!

What Are Toldot
Toldot are variations of the 39 melachot. These types of melacha are also prohibited by the Torah.

Intention and Other Considerations
Most Torah (d'oraita) prohibitions of melacha on Shabbat are for cases in which you:
            1) Intend a permanent change.
                Often, actions that may be forbidden when they cause permanent change, will
                be permissible by Torah law if the result is only temporary. Or
            2) Intend or act for a specific purpose.
                Random or unintended actions are generally not prohibited by Torah law.
                (However, actions that are not prohibited by the Torah, may be prohibited
                by Chazal.)

Whether you may benefit from a melacha done on Shabbat depends on intention:
  • A Jew who intentionally does a melacha on Shabbat may never benefit from that melacha.
            Note Any other Jew may benefit from that melacha as soon as Shabbat is over.
  • A Jew who does melacha on Shabbat by mistake (shogeg) may benefit from that melacha immediately after Shabbat ends.
In order to violate a prohibited melacha d'oraita, the melacha must be done as follows. If any of these do not apply, then the melacha is forbidden d'rabanan but not d'oraita:
  • K'darko--The action must be done in a normal way.
  • Tzorech tikun—The action must be done for a constructive purpose.
  • Tzricha l'gufa--You must need the normal result of that action.
  • Asiya b'yachid—The action must be done by one individual (if commonly done by just one person).
  • Mit'aseik--You must realize that you are doing a melacha.
 
Shabbat Laws from Chazal (Shabbat D'Rabanan)
Chazal instituted additional restrictions, such as:
  • Activities that might lead directly to violating a Torah prohibition.
  • Use of items not designated for Shabbat use (muktza). For a good explanation of muktza from the TorahTots website, please click here.
  • Activities that might lead one to think that a prohibited activity is permissible (mar'it ayin--the appearance of the eye).
  • Activities that are not appropriate for Shabbat, even though they are technically permissible according to the Torah (“uvda d'chol”).
  • Tircha--Exerting a physical effort to accomplish a result that is not required for Shabbat.

Enjoying Shabbat/Oneg Shabbat
Chazal instituted laws to engender a positive Shabbat atmosphere and experience.  Beyond the actual halachot of shamor and zachor, we have a concept of enjoying Shabbat (oneg Shabbat)—of enhancing our experience of Shabbat by doing whatever each person finds to be enjoyable and relaxing--as long as it is neither destructive nor violates the laws of Shabbat. The criteria are subjective. To fulfill the idea of honoring Shabbat, do things you would not do just for yourself if it were not Shabbat. Take essential life activities such as eating and sleeping and do them more and better and make them especially enjoyable.

Meals as Oneg
On Shabbat, we eat better foods and more types of food than we would normally do on weekdays.
The main idea behind meals for Shabbat is enjoyment (oneg; by contrast, the main idea for Jewish festivals is joy--simcha), so on Shabbat you should eat bread and either fish, poultry, or meat (but only if you enjoy them).
In order to have a special appetite for our Shabbat evening meal, we don't eat a full meal with bread on Friday afternoon.

Special Shabbat Songs (Zmirot)
Special songs (zmirot) are sung at the various Shabbat meals. Some zmirot have an aspect of prayer to them.

Studying Torah
Studying Torah on Shabbat is another way of increasing our spiritual experience. It honors the Shabbat and should bring about enjoyment of Shabbat.

Shabbat and Muktza
For information on Shabbat and muktza, see section below, Shabbat: Muktza.

Weekday Talk
Don't talk about subjects that are forbidden to do on Shabbat (weekday subjects); for example, don't talk about what you will do after Shabbat is over. There is no prohibition about discussing actions from the past as long as no planning is discussed.

Seder in Bnei Brak
The teachers in Bnai Brak were so engrossed in telling the Passover story that they did not notice that it was after sunrise.
Reason They may have been in a windowless room since they were risking their lives by celebrating Passover, against Roman law.
Seder Customs
Here are some seder customs:
  1. Have someone else pour the water over your hands for washing before karpas.
  2. Have someone else pour your wine for you.
Seder: Purpose
It is praiseworthy to tell the story of Passover even if you know all the details and interpretations (as did the great rabbis of the Talmud), because of the principle of “in order to remember” (lema'an tizkor): that we should remember everything God did for us when taking us out of Egypt.
The Three Discussion Points
The most important part of the seder is discussing:
  • Passover offering (Pesach),
  • Unleavened bread (matza), and
  • Bitter herbs (maror).
These three segments should be read from the Passover hagada in the Hebrew.  If anyone does not understand the Hebrew, these paragraphs and the concepts they express must be explained in whatever language he or she can understand.
Children at the Seder
Children are an integral part of the sederWe try to get children to ask questions and then we teach them the answers.  The Torah says to do this!
Acknowledging God's Miracles
We acknowledge God's miracles in sending the plagues against the Egyptians and their gods and in taking the Children of Israel out of slavery and Egypt.
Telling Our History
We tell our history beginning with Jacob (Yaakov) and Laban (Lavan) and on to slavery and, finally, to achieving freedom.
 
Acceptance of Seder and Commandments
We hope that God accepts our seder and all of the commandments that we have done on this night.
Alcohol Content of Seder Wine
You may dilute the seder wine to a minimum of 4\\% alcohol.
Women: Leaning at Seder
For women and leaning at the seder, see Leaning to the Left.