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Tish'a B'Av: On Saturday Night
When Tish'a B'Av begins on Saturday night, the custom is as follows:
  • Say baruch ha'mavdil when Shabbat ends. 
  • Say the blessing on the candle after ma'ariv.
  • Do not say the remainder of havdala at all. Instead:
    • Wait until Sunday night, after the fast is over, and then
    • Say only the blessing on the wine and the paragraph of ha'mavdil blessings.
Note You will not say the blessings on the spices for havdala for that week.
Nine Days: Restrictions
Restrictions during the Nine Days before Tish'a b'Av are the same as for Three Weeks, plus:
  • You may not eat meat or drink wine.
    Exceptions
    1. You may drink wine on Shabbat (but not on Rosh Chodesh Av or erev Shabbat.)
    2. You may drink wine for havdala (but ideally give the wine or grape juice to a child between ages 6 and 10).  
    3. You may eat meat or drink wine at a brit, siyum, or pidyon ha'ben.
  • You may not wear freshly laundered clothes, or wear or buy new clothes.
  NOTE You may wear clean socks and underwear. Ideally, throw them on the floor
  first but, b'di'avad, it is OK to wear them even if you did not.
  • You may not wash yourself for pleasure.
    Note Showering or bathing to clean one's soiled body is permitted (except on Tish'a b'Av).  So you may bathe or shower during the Nine Days if you are dirty, sweaty, or smelly.
  • You may not do any activities that involve luxury.
  • You may not say she'hecheyanu except on Shabbat.
    Note Therefore you should not buy new fruits or new items that you will enjoy during the Nine Days.  But if you DO eat a new fruit or buy something new, you must say she'hecheyanu anyway.
Baruch HaMavdil Bein Kodesh L'Chol To Do Melacha
After it is dark, say Baruch ha'mavdil bein kodesh l'chol (just those words--not God's name or any of the standard words used in blessings!) if you want to end Shabbat and do weekday activities (melachot) before saying ma'ariv's amida or havdala.
Reason This fulfills the commandment of “zachor” for Shabbat and allows you to do melacha
Note But it does not allow you to eat or drink, once you have finished se'uda shlishit, until you hear or say havdala.
Wine from Se'uda Shlishit Birkat HaMazon
If you recite birkat ha'mazon after se'uda shlishit over a cup of wine, you may only drink the wine if the meal ended before sunset.  
Note Wine from birkat ha'mazon of se'uda shlishit that ended after sunset may be used for havdala EXCEPT if the meal was a sheva brachot meal.
Reason The bridegroom, bride, and leader may drink the wine--and one of them must drink the wine!--as part of the seven blessings, even though they were recited after sunset.
Latest Time You May Eat on Shabbat
If you finished eating (and saying birkat ha'mazon/bracha achrona for) a full meal or even a snack that you intended to constitute your se'uda shlishit, you may not eat any more once the sun has set on Saturday until after you have made or heard havdala.
Note If you did not intend for the food to constitute your se'uda shlishit, see When To Eat Se'uda Shlishit with Bread or When To Eat Se'uda Shlishit without Bread, above.
Women: Time-Based Positive Commandments/Mitzvot: Obligations
In addition to prayer obligations (see Women: Minimal Prayer), women and girls 12 years old and up are required to keep these time-dependent positive commandments, among others:
  • Candle-lighting for Chanuka (see Chanuka: Candles: Who Should Light )
  • Candle-lighting for Shabbat, Jewish festivals, Rosh Hashana, and Yom Kippur.
  • Havdala (say or hear) after Shabbat, Jewish festivals, Rosh Hashana, and Yom Kippur.
  • Kiddush (say or hear) on the first night (or first two nights outside Eretz Yisrael) of every Jewish festival, and also the next morning.
  • Passover (all commandments, including eating matza at the Passover seder).
    Note Because she must eat matza, she must therefore say birkat ha'mazon afterward (so if a woman omits ya'ale v'yavo in birkat ha'mazon at the seder, she must repeat birkat ha'mazon!).
  • Megila on Purim.
  • Shabbat (For why women must keep time-dependent, positive commandments on Shabbat, see Introduction to Shabbat )
  • Shofar on Rosh Hashana.
    Note Jewish women universally accepted upon themselves to hear shofar on Rosh Hashana, but they only need to hear 30 blasts.
  • Hearing the reading of Parashat Zachor.
Drinking Cheekful for Shabbat Kiddush
As on Jewish festivals, the minimum total volume of Shabbat kiddush beverage that must be drunk--usually by the kiddush-maker (mevareich) but it may even be by several people combined--is a cheekful (m'lo lugmov), as follows:
  • 2 fl. oz. (59 ml) within 30 seconds of beginning to drink for d'oraita cases such as Shabbat evening kiddush (as well as first-night Jewish festival kiddush and all havdalas), and
  • 1.7 fl. oz. (50 ml) within 30 seconds of beginning to drink for d'rabanan cases such as Shabbat lunch kiddush (as well as first-day Jewish festival lunch kiddush and all second-day Jewish festival kiddushes).
Note If no one drinks the kiddush beverage, a blessing was made in vain (bracha l'vatala), and the commandment to say or hear kiddush has not been fulfilled.  
Separating Challa after Baking
You may separate challa after baking (on weekdays only) if you forgot to separate challa before baking.
Situation You forgot to separate challa from dough made of at least 2.5 lbs. (1 kg) of flour, it is now Shabbat or a Jewish festival.  You want to eat the bread.
WHAT TO DO
  • If you are outside Eretz Yisrael:  You may leave part of the challa until after Shabbat or Jewish festivals.  After havdala, separate the challa from the part that you had set aside.
  • If you are in Eretz Yisrael:  You may not use bread from which challa was not separated. Once Shabbat or the Jewish festival ends, you may separate challa and then eat the bread.
Hidur Mitzva/Mehadrin
Almost all mitzvot may be enhanced by:
  • Making them beautiful (hidur mitzva), or
  • Observing non-required stringencies (mehadrin).
Hidur Mitzva
Examples
  • Women baking challa for Shabbat and Jewish festivals (and separating challa as a remembrance of the challa that was given to the priests/cohanim in the Temple).
  • Wearing especially nice clothes and eating special foods on Shabbat and Jewish festivals.
  • Using beautiful fragrances, tastes, textures, colors, and artistry in serving God.
Beautiful
Examples
  • Shabbat/Jewish festival table (set with beautiful challa cover, silver, kiddush cups).
  • Havdala set and pleasant-smelling spices for havdala.
  • Sukka and putting your finest things in it.
  • Etrog/etrog case.
  • Shofar.
  • Seder plate, matza holder, and matza cover.
  • Illuminated hagadas (hagadot) and megilas (megilot).
  • Chanuka candle-holder (menora, chanukiya).
  • Torah scroll written with a fine pen and beautiful script and wrapped in beautiful silks.
  • Mezuza covers.
  • Ketuba.
  • Wimple (to wrap baby in prior to brit mila; then donated to hold the two parts of the Torah together).
  • Elijah's Chair/Kisei Eliyahu.
  • Synagogues.
  • Chuppa.
Mehadrin
Examples
  • Chalav Yisrael--When consuming milk and milk products, eating or drinking only those items whose production was supervised by religious Jews;
  • Pat Yisrael—When eating bread, only eating bread baked by Jews (not necessarily by religious Jews);
  • Glatt meat—When eating meat, eating only meat that had no lesions on the animal's lungs;
  • Lighting more than one Chanuka candle each night (beginning on the 2nd night) and having more than one person in each house light their own candles.
Jewish Festivals: Challa Not Separated before Festival
On Jewish festivals, you may not separate challa from loaves baked before the festival, as follows:
  • In Eretz Yisrael, you may not eat bread from which challa was not separated if required (for more details, see Separating the Challa Portion and Challa Separation) until after the Jewish festival ends and you have separated the challa.
  • Outside Eretz Yisrael, you may:
    • Leave one loaf until after the Jewish festival,
    • Eat as much as you want of the remaining loaves, and then
    • Separate the challa from the loaf after havdala.
Note If the bread was baked on a Jewish festival, you may separate challa on the Jewish festival.
Note This is true even for loaves that came from dough of more than 2.5 lbs of flour.
Jewish Festivals: Daytime Kiddush
To fulfill the two requirements for Jewish festival daytime kiddush:
  1. Say, or hear, at least #b and #c of these Jewish festival daytime kiddush blessings/segments:
    a) Eileh mo'adei Adonai mikra'ei kodesh asher tikri'u otam b'mo'adam.
    Note It is not a universal custom to say the above sentence.
    b) Va'yidaber Moshe eht mo'adei Adonai el bnei yisrael.
    Note It IS a universal custom to say the above sentence. AND
    c) Borei pri ha'gafen (if on wine or grape juice), OR
    She'hakol nihiyeh bi'dvaro (if on other beverage/chamar medina).
    Note For Jewish festival (or Saturday) lunch and havdala, you may use any beverage (chamar medina) commonly drunk for social purposes (not just for thirst) in the country in which you are saying kiddush (say the blessing she'hakol instead of borei pri ha'gafen where appropriate).
    Note There is never any requirement on an indvidual to drink kiddush wine (except at the Passover seder), but the kiddush wine must be drunk by one or more persons.
  2. Establish a halachic “meal” (kovei'a se'uda).
    You must establish the halachic meal required for kiddush shortly after hearing Jewish festival morning kiddush. See How To Fulfill Eating Jewish Festival Second Meal.
    Note If you make Jewish festival morning kiddush on any beverage except wine or grape juice, you must also eat mezonot or bread to establish the kiddush meal. If you do not want to eat bread or mezonot, only drinking 3.3 fl. oz. (99 ml) of wine or grape juice within 30 seconds will fulfill all of the requirements for kiddushIf you have not fulfilled the requirements for kiddush, you may not eat other foods, such as fruit or fish at a kiddush.
How To Do Shabbat Daytime Kiddush
There are two requirements for Shabbat daytime kiddush: Say or Hear Kiddush Segments/Blessings and Establish a Halachic Meal (kovei'a se'uda):
 
1. Say or Hear Kiddush Segments/Blessings
    You must say, or hear, the Shabbat daytime kiddush segments/blessings and someone
     must drink at least 2 fl. oz. (59 ml) of the kiddush beverage:
  • Say or Hear Kiddush Segments/Blessings
    • Torah segment(s): V'shamru bnei Yisrael (even beginning from al kein).
    • Blessing over at least 3.3 fl. oz. (99ml) of drink:
      • Borei pri ha'gafen (if on wine or grape juice), OR
      • She'hakol nihiyeh bi'dvaro (if on other beverage/chamar medina).
   Note For Saturday (or Jewish festival) lunch and havdala, you may use
  any beverage (chamar medina) commonly drunk for social purposes (not
  just for thirst) in the country in which you are saying kiddush. The ideal is to
  use wine or grape juice.
  • Drink at Least 2 fl. oz. (59 ml) of the Kiddush Drink
  This amount may be drunk by one person or by several people together.
 
2. Establish Halachic Meal (Kovei'a Se'uda)
    You must establish a halachic meal (kovei'a se'uda) shortly after saying or hearing
    Shabbat morning kiddush by either:
  • Drinking Wine--at least 4 fl. oz (119 ml) of wine (or grape juice) within 30 seconds, OR
  • Eating Bread/Mezonot--at least 1.3 fl. oz. (39 ml, or 1/6 cup) of bread or mezonot within four minutes.
Note The second half of making kiddush, “establishing a meal” (kovei'a se'uda), can be fulfilled simultaneously when you fulfill the subsequent, separate Shabbat requirement for “eating a meal” but in that case, you must eat 1.9 fl. oz. of bread.
Note If you make, or hear, Shabbat morning kiddush on any beverage except wine or grape juice, you must also eat at least 1.3 fl. oz. (39 ml, or 1/6 cup) of bread or mezonot within four minutes to establish the kiddush meal. If you do not want to eat bread or mezonot, only drinking at least 4 fl. oz. (119 ml) of wine (or grape juice) within 30 seconds will fulfill all the kiddush requirements. 
Note If you have not fulfilled the kiddush requirements, you may not eat other foods, such as fruit or fish at a kiddush.
Note   Once you have heard kiddush and either eaten the required bread or mezonot or drunk the required 4 fl. oz. of wine or grape juice, you do not need to say or listen to kiddush again if you eat your actual meal later (except if you need to say kiddush for other people who have not yet heard or said kiddush).
Goal of Creation
Shabbat was the goal of Creation. Just as God completed the world's creation on the sixth day and ceased His work on the seventh, so Jews are supposed to imitate God and not do any creative work on the seventh day. Everything we need for living through Shabbat must be prepared ahead so that we do not do any creative activities on Shabbat.
Our observance of Shabbat thus testifies that God created the world. In the Shabbat kiddush, we mention the Exodus from Egypt, too, to testify to the world that God is continuously involved in our lives.
By ceasing our normal efforts to dominate the physical world, we can appreciate the spiritual aspects of our existence.
On Shabbat, all observant (shomer Shabbat) Jews receive an extra “soul.”

Zachor and Shamor

Remember (Zachor) the Sabbath day to make it holyExodus/Shmot 20:8
Observe (Shamor) the Sabbath day to make it holyDeuteronomy/Devarim 5:12
Shabbat has two dimensions:
  • Zachor  “Remember,” encompassing positive (“to do”) commandments, and
  • Shamor  “Observe,” encompassing negative (“refrain from”) commandments.
Note Women, who are normally exempt from positive, time-dependent commandments, must do both positive and negative Shabbat commandments since, according to tradition, God said both words simultaneously. This is unlike Jewish festivals, when women are often exempt from positive, time-dependent commandments.

Zachor:  Positive Shabbat Commandments
What Are Positive Shabbat Commandments
Positive Shabbat commandments include:
  • Lighting candles,
  • Making kiddush evening and morning,
  • Making havdala,
  • Honoring Shabbat (Kivod Shabbat), and
  • Enjoying Shabbat (Oneg Shabbat), including eating three meals on Shabbat.
Honoring Shabbat: Special Food and Clothes
Honoring Shabbat includes eating tasty food and wearing nice clothes.

Shamor: Negative Shabbat Commandments
Shabbat Laws from the Torah (Shabbat D'Oraita)
What Are Melachot
On the Jewish day of rest, we refrain from 39 creative activities (melachot) that had been used to build the Tabernacle in the wilderness. These 39 melachot, prohibited by the Torah, are listed in the mishna of Shabbat and in later halacha books.

The word melacha is frequently mistranslated as “work,” but work has nothing to do with the Jewish concept of melacha. Some melachot are physically strenuous (plowing, grinding wheat, skinning an animal) and some are easy to do (drawing, baking). The defining point is whether the activity is one of the 39 creative, value-adding labors. Emptying your pockets before leaving an eruv (so you are not “carrying”) may seem confusing to someone who thinks that resting on Shabbat means refraining only from hard physical labor!

What Are Toldot
Toldot are variations of the 39 melachot. These types of melacha are also prohibited by the Torah.

Intention and Other Considerations
Most Torah (d'oraita) prohibitions of melacha on Shabbat are for cases in which you:
            1) Intend a permanent change.
                Often, actions that may be forbidden when they cause permanent change, will
                be permissible by Torah law if the result is only temporary. Or
            2) Intend or act for a specific purpose.
                Random or unintended actions are generally not prohibited by Torah law.
                (However, actions that are not prohibited by the Torah, may be prohibited
                by Chazal.)

Whether you may benefit from a melacha done on Shabbat depends on intention:
  • A Jew who intentionally does a melacha on Shabbat may never benefit from that melacha.
            Note Any other Jew may benefit from that melacha as soon as Shabbat is over.
  • A Jew who does melacha on Shabbat by mistake (shogeg) may benefit from that melacha immediately after Shabbat ends.
In order to violate a prohibited melacha d'oraita, the melacha must be done as follows. If any of these do not apply, then the melacha is forbidden d'rabanan but not d'oraita:
  • K'darko--The action must be done in a normal way.
  • Tzorech tikun—The action must be done for a constructive purpose.
  • Tzricha l'gufa--You must need the normal result of that action.
  • Asiya b'yachid—The action must be done by one individual (if commonly done by just one person).
  • Mit'aseik--You must realize that you are doing a melacha.
 
Shabbat Laws from Chazal (Shabbat D'Rabanan)
Chazal instituted additional restrictions, such as:
  • Activities that might lead directly to violating a Torah prohibition.
  • Use of items not designated for Shabbat use (muktza). For a good explanation of muktza from the TorahTots website, please click here.
  • Activities that might lead one to think that a prohibited activity is permissible (mar'it ayin--the appearance of the eye).
  • Activities that are not appropriate for Shabbat, even though they are technically permissible according to the Torah (“uvda d'chol”).
  • Tircha--Exerting a physical effort to accomplish a result that is not required for Shabbat.

Enjoying Shabbat/Oneg Shabbat
Chazal instituted laws to engender a positive Shabbat atmosphere and experience.  Beyond the actual halachot of shamor and zachor, we have a concept of enjoying Shabbat (oneg Shabbat)—of enhancing our experience of Shabbat by doing whatever each person finds to be enjoyable and relaxing--as long as it is neither destructive nor violates the laws of Shabbat. The criteria are subjective. To fulfill the idea of honoring Shabbat, do things you would not do just for yourself if it were not Shabbat. Take essential life activities such as eating and sleeping and do them more and better and make them especially enjoyable.

Meals as Oneg
On Shabbat, we eat better foods and more types of food than we would normally do on weekdays.
The main idea behind meals for Shabbat is enjoyment (oneg; by contrast, the main idea for Jewish festivals is joy--simcha), so on Shabbat you should eat bread and either fish, poultry, or meat (but only if you enjoy them).
In order to have a special appetite for our Shabbat evening meal, we don't eat a full meal with bread on Friday afternoon.

Special Shabbat Songs (Zmirot)
Special songs (zmirot) are sung at the various Shabbat meals. Some zmirot have an aspect of prayer to them.

Studying Torah
Studying Torah on Shabbat is another way of increasing our spiritual experience. It honors the Shabbat and should bring about enjoyment of Shabbat.

Shabbat and Muktza
For information on Shabbat and muktza, see section below, Shabbat: Muktza.

Weekday Talk
Don't talk about subjects that are forbidden to do on Shabbat (weekday subjects); for example, don't talk about what you will do after Shabbat is over. There is no prohibition about discussing actions from the past as long as no planning is discussed.

Introduction to Holidays/Jewish Festivals/Chagim/Yom Tov
Jewish Festivals are listed in the Torah and are of two types: 
  1. Three pilgrimage festivals (shalosh regalim):
  • Passover,
  • Shavuot, and
  • Sukkot (including Shimini Atzeret).
These festivals were celebrated in ancient times by "appearing before God"--by bringing offerings to the Tabernacle or Temple.
  1. High Holidays
  • The Jewish New Year (Rosh Hashana—“Yom Teru'ain the Torah), and the
  • Day of Atonement (Yom Kippur).
 
Duration
Jewish holidays that were originally one day are now observed as follows:
  • Rosh Hashana--2 days.
  • Yom Kippur--1 day.
  • Shavuot--1 day in Eretz Yisrael or 2 days elsewhere.
  • Passover has festival days at the beginning and end of the holiday and intermediary days of lesser holiness, which are called chol ha'moed. In Eretz Yisrael, Passover lasts for 7 days in total and the first and last days are festival days. Outside of Eretz Yisrael, Passover lasts 8 days and has two festival days at the beginning and two at the end.
  • Sukkot has festival days at the beginning and at the end and intermediary days of lesser holiness, which are called chol ha'moed. In Eretz Yisrael, Sukkot lasts for 8 days and the first and last days are festival days (the last day is Shimini Atzeret). Outside of Eretz Yisrael, Sukkot lasts for 9 days and the first two days and last days are festival days (the 8th day is Shimini Atzeret and the 9th day is Simchat Torah).

Character
Each holiday contributes its own character to Jewish life (Passover--the theme of freedom; Yom Kippur brings atonement, etc.). 

Celebrating
How to celebrate these holidays is detailed in our Oral Law and halacha books. Jewish festivals as practiced today are similar in holiness to Shabbat. As with Shabbat, the Jewish festival has candle lighting, kiddush at two meals, and havdala.   We eat our best food and wear our best clothing on Jewish festivals (we eat our next-best food and wear our next-best clothing on Shabbat!).
The main idea behind eating meals on Jewish festivals is joy (simcha), so you should drink wine and eat meat (only if you enjoy wine and meat).  There is no third meal on Jewish festivals since people used to eat two meals each day (adding a third meal on Shabbat was for enjoyment/oneg).
 
Melachot
Any activities or actions permitted on Shabbat are also permitted on the Jewish festivals. Actions that are forbidden on Shabbat are generally also forbidden on Jewish festivals, but there are some leniencies (only if the actions are needed for that festival day).
Examples
  • Lighting from an existing flame,
  • Cooking and baking for the Jewish festival day, and
  • Carrying outside the eruv (hotza'a--transferring objects between domains).
 
Grama
Grama (indirectly causing an action) is permitted on Jewish festivals (but not on Shabbat). For example, you may advance or delay a timer that will make a light go on or off in the future (the timer must already be plugged in and operating from before sunset of the festival day).
Note For an action to be considered indirect based on time, there must be at least 2.5 seconds after the first action is done before the resulting action begins to happen.

Psik Reisha Dla Neicha Lei
Psik reisha dla neicha lei is forbidden on Jewish festivals, just as it is on Shabbat.

D'oraita Restrictions
D'oraita restrictions apply world-wide to:
  • First and seventh days of Passover,
  • First and eighth days of Sukkot,
  • First day of Shavuot,
  • Yom Kippur,
  • First day of Rosh Hashana.
Note The same restrictions apply to all other Jewish festival days but are rabbinical.
 
Women
In general, women are not required to perform the positive, time-dependent commandments. Women and girls are not required to eat any Jewish festival meals except the Passover seder meal (but they are not allowed to fast on those days).
Four Most Common Nida Questions
 
  1. What Makes a Woman a Nida
 
Introduction to What Makes a Woman a Nida
Vaginal Blood Flow
Only vaginal blood flow makes a woman nida
 
Nida D'Oraita
According to Torah law (d'oraita), a woman becomes a nida when she experiences a flow of uterine blood, preceded or accompanied by a hargasha. Because uterine blood flow is difficult to distinguish from the more general vaginal blood flow, we assume that a vaginal blood flow is from the uterus--unless a medical person (it could be a midwife) determines that the blood flow is not uterine.
 
Nida D'Rabanan
 
By rabbinic law (d'rabanan), a woman can become a nida even with only a qualifying stain (see below).

Hargasha
A hargasha is anything that signals that the woman's period is imminent. There are three classical hargashot, as well as possible hargashot that pertain only to an individual woman.
Note Many women today do not have hargashot.
 
Classical Hargashot
There are three classical hargashot:
1) Body Tremor
2) Petichat HaMakor
Some women, at petichat ha'makor (“opening of the uterus”), have a sensation of release similar to when one's bladder opens to urinate.
3) Zivat Davar Lach
Sensation of wet discharge that comes only with her period; this is not the wet discharge that every woman normally feels multiple times daily.
Note She does not necessarily need to feel it coming from her cervix in order for it to make her a nida.
 
Individual Hargashot
What Is an Individual Hargasha
The individual hargasha can be any physiological occurrence (pimples on her face, a bout of yawning, a bloated feeling in the belly, etc.) that correlates with a woman's getting her period within 24 hours. To become established as a hargasha, it must have happened three times in a row.
 
Note Cramps for most women may be a hargasha, since they may mean that the woman is about to have her period.
 
When a woman has a hargasha, we assume that her period has started, and she should immediately stop what she is doing and check internally with a bedika cloth. If she does a bedika as soon as possible and the cloth shows a forbidden color, or shows no discharge at all, she immediately becomes nida for at least 12 days, after which she goes to the mikva
Note If she had a hargasha and finds no blood and no discharge, she becomes a nida, since we assume there was blood and she just didn't find it.  If the bedika cloth shows brown, magenta, salmon, brick, amber, orange, etc., the rabbi will want to see the cloth to determine her status.
Note Most medium browns are OK.
 
What To Do If Not Sure
If she is not sure she has had a hargasha, she asks a rabbi and together they will sort out the answer.
 
 
Nida D'Rabanan
 
Stain (without Hargasha)
 
Stain Colors
A rabbi should be consulted in all matters of questionable colors of stains.  Some may seem to you to be forbidden but turn out to be permissible, and vice versa.
 
Stain Location
A stain of a color that could make a woman a nida can be on material or on the woman's body. None of the following lenient conditions apply if the woman is nida d'oraita:
 
Stains on Material
A stain on material must conceivably have been in contact with the lower regions of her body (nightgown, sheet, towel, etc.). A stain on material makes the woman a nida only if ALL FOUR following conditions apply:
1. Stain Is on White Material.
2. Stain Is on Material that Can Become Impure (mikabel tum'a)—natural materials such as cotton or silk.
Note A combination of polyester and cotton counts as cotton.
3. Stain Is at least Size of Gris/US penny.
Note A bunch of disconnected stains will not be a problem as long as no one of them is at least a gris on its own.
4. Stain Is Not Positively Attributable to Another Cause (such as hemorrhoids).
Note If the woman finds a stain (even during or after the seven clean days), even if it is more than the size of a gris, she is OK if the material is not white OR is not mikabel tum'a. However, it the stain is larger than half of a US dollar bill, she should consult a rabbi.
If she had a hargasha before she found the stain, none of these leniencies apply.
 
Stains on Woman's Body
If a woman finds a stain on the lower regions of her body, it will make her a nida if it is:
  1. Not positively attributable to another cause, AND
  2. At least the size of a gris. For small, unconnected spots, she must evaluate whether, together, they equal the size of a gris (on material, the spots DO NOT get combined). If yes, she should consult a rabbi.
 
 
II. HARCHAKOT: How Do the Couple Conduct Themselves while the Wife is a Nida?
 
According to Torah law, when a woman is a nida, she and her husband are prohibited not only from having intercourse, but also (“lo tikrav”—Vayikra 18:19) from having any physical contact of a passionate or romantic nature (negiya shel chibuk v'nishuk)--those patterns of physical contact that often lead to intercourse. Since the penalty for violation is kareit, husband and wife should live separately during the nida period, but because we don't, we use “distancers” (harchakot) as reminders of distance while living together in the same home. The harchakot sensitize us to the smallest gestures of love. The couple who know that in a finite amount of time their union will not only be permitted, but even be davar sh'bekedusha--a thing of sanctity--will have the willpower to wait it out.
 
These harchakot are applied during the nida period:
 
General Harchakot
S'chok v'Kalut Rosh In general, avoid fun activities which could lead to lightheadedness)
 
Negiya Afilu b'Etzba Ketana Avoid any physical contact, even if not romantic.
 
The Bedroom
Mita Achat ("Single Bed") Do not share one bed. You must have two separate beds, but there is no standard for how far apart the separate mattresses and linens should be, except that they must be more than 1 tefach (3.5 inches) apart from each other. If there is one headboard, one bed should be moved away from the headboard.
 
L'Hatzia Mitato b'Fanav The wife may not, in front of her husband, prepare his bed for sleeping (as opposed to the chore of making the beds in the morning).
 
Sitting on the Bed The husband may not sit or lie on wife's bed unless she is out of town; the wife may not lie on her husband's bed in his presence.
 
Wining and Dining
K'ara Achat ("Single Plate") Husband and wife may not share a plate as they eat. A husband may not eat of his wife's leftovers unless someone else ate from it in between, it was transferred to another plate, or she has left the table for the duration of the meal.  
 
Shulchan Echad ("Single Table") You may not eat at the same table unless you put an item between yourselves that is not normally on the table. Reminders (heker) can be napkin rings, a flower, a food item known not to be part of the meal, etc. Special placemats are also acceptable reminders.
Note If other people are sharing the meal with you, you do not need a reminder.
 
Hagashat Ochel Li'Fanav ("Serving Food in Front of Him") The wife may not directly serve her husband food except in an altered way.
Example
The wife may put the plate to the side of her husband instead of in front of him.
 
Mezigat HaKos Bi'Fanav The husband may not pour his wife a cup of any drink in front of her. The wife may not pour her husband a cup of any drink in front of him.
 
Lishlo'ach La Kos Bracha The husband may not even send or pass a cup of wine to his wife, even by someone else and even if she is in a different room. After the husband makes kiddush, havdala, or sheva brachot, he puts the wine down in front of himself and then his wife may take the cup and drink. If there are other people present, the husband may pour wine into several cups and one of them may be passed to his wife (since no specific cup was designated for his wife).
 
Individual Harchakot
Histaklut b'Mkomot HaMechusim The man may not gaze appreciatively at those parts of the woman's body that are normally covered.
 
Hoshata M'Yad L'Yad ("Passing from Hand to Hand") The couple may not pass things by hand to each other.
 
Zerika MiYad L'Yad The husband or wife may not throw something for the other to catch.
 
Safsal Mitnaded  The couple may not sit on any surface that is not firmly attached to the ground and in which the movement of one person causes the other person to move.
 
Tiyul baSfina O Agala: The couple may not take a pleasure (destination-less) trip on a boat or wagon. However, if they have a destination, it is OK.
 
Perfume The husband may not intentionally smell his wife's perfume (even if she is not wearing it!).
 
Yitzikat V'Hava'at Mayim V'Richitzat Panav, Yadav, V'Raglav Except for mitzvot, the wife may not draw or bring water to wash his hand, face, or feet or draw his bath for him.
 
Illness The wife may do what the husband needs if he is sick. If the wife is sick, the husband may only help her in cases of substantial need.
 
III. Tahara after Nida:
The Five Steps of Purification
 
1. Minimum Duration of Nida
A woman will be a nida even if she saw blood on only one day. But she must wait until the fifth day before she may begin counting her seven clean days (in unusual circumstances, she MAY be permitted to reduce the 5 initial day count--consult a rabbi).
Note In counting nida (bleeding) days (as opposed to clean days), part of a day counts as a full day. 
Example If the bleeding starts at 2p on Wednesday, the woman counts from 2p until sundown as Day 1. Thursday is Day 2, etc. Sunday before sundown, she may do the first bedika
 
2.  Hefsek Tahara
On the fifth day (or whenever--after the fifth day--the bleeding and staining seems to be ending), she does a hefsek tahara to check very carefully internally to make sure all the bleeding and staining is over. The hefsek tahara has three parts:
  1. Wash or cleanse lower regions of the body.
  2. Do an internal check/bedika: Insert a white cloth into vagina and circle it around to make sure to get every nook and cranny.
  3. Moch dachuk: Insert a bedika cloth within two halachic hours of sunset and leave it in until after dark.
Reason The seven clean days must be complete days.  Since we don't know exactly what time the first day begins, the cloth is inserted before sunset of the first “clean” day.
Note If doing this causes any problem for her, she should consult a rabbi.
 
3.  Count of Seven Clean Days with Three Components
  1. Bedika
The woman must have seven complete consecutive halachic days free of any impure discharge (generally means bleeding). She should make an internal examination each day when she gets up, and another before sunset. If this regimen will cause her problems, she should consult a rabbi.
 
  1. White Underpants
During the seven clean days, the woman must wear white underpants. But if she wears tight-fitting underpants, as in contemporary clothing, only the part under the vaginal area must be white.
Note If the woman has any bleeding during or after the seven clean days, she should consult a rabbi.  
 
  1. No Hesech Da'at
A woman does not need to think about the seven clean days all of the time, but she must keep in mind, during the entire nida purification process, that she is not in an active nida state.  
Situation A woman found a stain and asked a rabbi about it. She assumed she was definitely nida.
What To Do Once she assumes that she has become a nida during that seven-day period, she must begin her count again--even once she has found out that she was not, in fact, a nida
Note If she asked the rabbi while not yet assuming that she was definitely a nida, she may continue her original count after the rabbi determines that she was not a nida.

4.  Chafifa
Chafifa General Rules
The woman must do total body cleansing, particularly the hairy areas, to make sure there is no intervening substance (chatzitza). Anything that is not part of the body, and which can be fairly easily removed, should be removed before immersing in a mikva.
Reason In order for a woman to become tehora, she needs to be totally immersed in the mikva all at one time, with no chatzitza between her and the mikva waters.
There are three definitions of chatzitza:
a.   D'Oraita
According to Torah law, something is only a chatzitza if it is “ruba v'makpida”—something that covers the body AND bothers the woman. Very few chatzitzot are in this category; here are some:
  • Full body cast.
  • Being covered with sand.
  • Being sweaty from head to toe.
b.   D'Rabanan
Chazal said a chatzitza is something that covers the body OR bothers the woman. 
Examples
  • Moisturizer that covers most of her body.
  • Adhesive that is left on her skin after a band-aid has been removed.
  • Imperfect manicure, if she would not go to an interview like that.
c.    Nashim Nahagu
Nashim Nahagu means a practice that women took upon themselves: Everything that a woman can easily get off, she tries to get off--even if it covers only a small part of the body and it does not bother her at all. This is a custom (minhag) that later became a d'rabanan halacha.
Note In cases in which this type of halacha generates a shalom bayit issue or would cause someone to avoid immersing in the mikva, consult a rabbi.
 
Chafifa: Nails, Teeth, Contact Lenses
Cutting Nails
The woman should cut her nails at least flush with the fingertips. 
Note If a woman would not want to immerse in the mikva because she doesn't want to cut her nails, ask a rabbi.
Cleaning Teeth/Removing Contact Lenses
The woman must clean her teeth and remove contact lenses even though the mikva waters do not need to contact the internal surfaces of the mouth or the eyes.
Reason While the woman is not required to open her mouth or eyes while immersing, the water must be able to make contact if she did open her mouth or eyes.

If You Forgot
If she is already home or after having relations, she found she had forgotten to take out her lenses, or she finds another chatzitza, she should ask a rabbi
 
5.  Immersion in Mikva/Tevila
Mikva: Timing
 
When To Go To Mikva
If her husband is in town, it is a mitzva to go to the mikva as soon as halachically permitted.
 
When Mikva in Unsafe Neighborhood
If the mikva is in a neighborhood that is unsafe at night, she may go during the day (she immerses on the eighth day instead of the night of the seventh night).
 
When Mikva Night Is Friday Night

Any woman whose mikva night is Friday night SHOULD make every effort to go to the mikva that night.
 
If Mikva Too Far
If mikva night is Friday night and the mikva is not within walking distance (and/or there is inclement weather), in general she may postpone going until after Shabbat is over.  Consult a rabbi about driving Friday afternoon and immersing before dark for such instances as:
  • Shalom Bayit (in this case, she is not permitted see her husband until after dark Friday night).
  • Dangerous Neighborhood.
  • Infertility Issues (if she will miss ovulation if she does not go Friday night).
 
Preparations before Friday Night
Ideally, the woman should complete her full-scale mikva preparation--including bath and shower--before Shabbat, light candles before Shabbat, walk to the mikva, immerse after dark, and then walk home.
If the mikva is within walking distance and the weather is inclement, the first-level b'di'avad is to finish preparing for Shabbat and mikva, including making a blessing on the Shabbat candles (verbally stipulating that she is not accepting Shabbat at this lighting), be driven to the mikva, and wait until her turn to immerse.
 
Mikva: How To Immerse
Kosher immersion/tevila requires simultaneous immersion of every exposed part of the body (not bet ha'starim).   Here is the best way to accomplish simultaneous immersion:
  • Enter the water until it is about 12 inches above the navel. 
  • Make sure that every part of your body is relaxed (if you squeeze anything, you create crevices and cracks that impede complete access to your skin). 
  • “Flesh”/basar is exposed to the water when standing while leaning a little forward.
  • Exhale and push yourself under the water until you are certain that all of your body and all of your hair are submerged. 
  • Once your head is above the surface of the water, say the blessing and then immerse again, the same way.

Back Home
If neither spouse wants to have marital relations, that is no problem; however, if either one wants to, the spouse is required to accommodate the interested spouse.
Exception If a spouse does not feel well (not if too tired--that is no excuse!): RMH uses this guideline: If you feel so bad that you would not go out of house to pick up $500, you are sick!
 
IV. Anticipating the Next Period/Veset
 
What To Anticipate
In anticipating the time of the month when her period is most likely to occur (onat ha'veset), a woman must determine both:
  1. The day of the month, and
  2. Whether it will begin during the daytime period (sunrise to sunset) or the nighttime period (from sunset to sunrise)
Note This period may be more or less than 12 hours!
What To Do
Once the woman has determined her onat ha'veset, she and her husband must abstain from relations during that daytime or nighttime period. If the onat ha'veset passed and the period did not come (determined by 1 or 2 bedikot during the onat ha'veset), then the husband and wife may resume a normal marital relationship until her period comes.
Note Although the halacha refers to abstaining from relations during that period, many people are stringent (machmir) to also abstain from intimate affectionate contact (negiya shel chibuk v'nishuk).  But additional prohibitions (harchakot) beyond negiya shel chibuk v'nishuk, such as passing food, sitting on a moving object that one person moves, etc., do not apply to this anticipation period.
Note Many people also abstain from relations and intimate contact during the day and night preceding the expected veset.
 
Regular and Irregular
Every woman needs to be able to anticipate her next period, whether she is a) regular or b) irregular. “Regular” is determined by any pattern to one's menstrual cycle that occurs three times in a row.
Note It is very uncommon for a woman to maintain her regular period for a long time.
 
Anticipating a Regular Period
Here are the five most classic regular patterns:
  1. Veset HaChodesh (Monthly Cycle)
Veset ha'chodesh is when the period appears in three consecutive months:
a) On the exact same Jewish-calendar date, and
b) All three times at night, or all three times during the day.
Example
A woman gets her period on these three dates:
12 Tishrei--night
12 Cheshvan—night
12 Kislev—night
 
The couple will abstain 12 Tevet—night.
Note Many people begin to abstain from the 11th during the day.
 
  1. Veset Haflaga (Intervals Cycle)
Veset haflaga is when the menstrual period appears on four consecutive occasions at three intervals of identical length apart and they are either all during the daytime or all during the nighttime.
 
  1. Veset HaGuf (Body Symptoms Cycle)
In veset ha'guf, the menstrual period comes within one day after a very specific symptom that is experienced as heralding the period, such as lower back ache, aching breasts, etc.
 
  1. Veset HaMurkav (Combination Cycle)
In veset ha'murkav, the woman is regular, three times in a row, for a Body Symptom (#3:  Veset HaGuf) in conjunction with either a Monthly Cycle (#1:  Veset HaChodesh) or an Intervals Cycle (#2:  Veset Haflaga).
Example
On the 10th of three Hebrew months in a row, a woman gets lower abdominal cramps; and on the 12th of each Hebrew month, for three months in a row, she gets her period. 
Note If she gets cramps on the 11th of the month, she does not need to separate and she may ignore those symptoms for that month. She will separate once she gets her period.  
 
5. Veset HaMa'aseh (Action Cycle)
In veset ha'ma'aseh, a particular activity has caused her period to come three months in a row.
Example
A woman goes to a sauna and that causes her period.
 
Anticipating an Irregular Period
A woman with an irregular period may have to abstain from relations and affectionate intimate contact (negiya shel chibuk v'nishuk) during these three onot/time periods:
  1. Yom HaChodesh
Same Hebrew calendar date and the same daytime or nighttime period as her prior period started (but it has not yet been three times in a row).
 
  1. Haflaga
Same interval of days between her two most recent periods, projected to the next month (daytime or nighttime period).
 
  1. Ona Beinonit
Thirtieth day after the most recent period when counting intervals.  Count from Day 1 of Period 1 through Day 1 of Period 2.
Note The 30-day interval includes both start days.
Note The 30th day, every other month, will be the same as Yom HaChodesh.