This mitzva especially refers to giving your parents food and drink as well as helping them get dressed, get covered, and go out and in. But it also includes:
- Not sitting in your father's chair.
- Not calling your parents by their first names.
- Not disagreeing with, not correcting, or not contradicting your parents if doing so will upset them.
- Agreeing with them by taking sides in an argument (doing so is considered disrespectful since they do not need your agreement).
- Not waking them up when they are sleeping--unless they would want you to do so.
There are two categories of items used for mitzvot:
- Holy items (tashmishei kedusha), such as tefilin and its boxes, Torah books and commentaries, and Torah scrolls and covers.
- Items used for mitzvot (tashmishei mitzva), such as lulav, etrog, and talit/tzitzit.
Sacred scrolls (Torah, mezuza, tefilin) may not be written by women for sacred purposes. However, if they were written by a woman, you may study from them. You may not use them for public Torah reading, putting on tefilin, or affixing to doorposts (for mezuza).
Disposal
Both tashmishei kedusha and tashmishei mitzva should be disposed of in a respectful manner. Tashmishei kedusha should ideally be buried. Newspapers with Torah or Torah commentary must be double-wrapped and then may be put in the trash, since they contain material that should not be buried with holy writings (only a newspaper's Torah or Torah commentary contain inherent holiness).
To dispose of tashmishei mitzva, you may wrap in one layer of plastic and throw it in normal garbage.
Source of Saying Jewish Festival Kiddush
Some kiddushes are commanded by the Torah (d'oraita); the others are from Chazal (d'rabanan), as follows:
Kiddush d'Oraita
- First night of Jewish festivals
- Night of seventh day of Passover
- Night of Shmini Atzeret.
- First day of Jewish festival
- Second night of Jewish festival
- Second day of Jewish festival
- Seventh day of Passover
- Eighth night of Passover
- Eighth day of Passover
- Shmini Atzeret day
- Night and day of Simchat Torah.
Saying Jewish festival kiddush at the place where you will eat your meal is a rabbinical (d'rabanan) enactment.
Jewish Festival Kiddush-Meal Quantities: Evening
- For evening kiddush for a first-night (d'oraita) Jewish festival, a minimum of 4 fl. oz. (119 ml) of wine must be blessed on and at least half must be drunk.
- For evening kiddush for a second-night (d'rabanan) Jewish festival, a minimum of 3.3 fl. oz. (99 ml) of wine must be blessed on and at least 2.0 fl. oz. must be drunk.
- For the evening meal, as on the first two Shabbat meals and for all required Jewish festival meals, a minimum of 1.9 fl. oz. (56 ml) of bread must be eaten within four minutes.
There are two separate eating requirements during the daytime. They may be combined (say/hear kiddush and start the main meal right away) but are often done separately (say/hear kiddush and then eat some light foods and beverages; the main meal is eaten later in the day).
Note Since eating and drinking requirements on all morning kiddushes (both Shabbat and Jewish festivals) are d'rabanan, the required beverage amount for morning kiddush is only 3.3 fl. oz. (99 ml) instead of the d'oraita 4 fl. oz. (119 ml) (which is required for kiddushes for Shabbat evening and all first-night Jewish festivals).
-
Morning kiddush requires a halachically legal “meal” with these elements:
- Blessing on a minimum of 3.3 fl. oz. (99 ml) of wine (or other beverage),
- Someone's drinking at least half the beverage, followed by
-
Eating at least 1.3 fl. oz. (39 ml, or 1/6 cup) of some type of mezonot within four minutes.
Note If you drink at least 3.3 fl. oz. (99 ml) of wine within 30 seconds, you do not need to eat mezonot.
Note You do not need to drink the wine or other kiddush beverage to fulfill “establishing a meal.” You may hear kiddush and then simply eat the required amount of bread or mezonot. This applies to Shabbat or Jewish festivals, evening or morning.
-
The real meal (kovei'a se'uda) requires eating at least 1.9 fl. oz. (56 ml) of bread (or matza during Passover!) within four minutes. It must include enough food to satiate.
Note You can simultaneously fulfill the requirement to “establish a meal” and to “eat a meal” by eating one (the same) piece of bread.
It is permissible to use God's name (and not an altered name such as “Keil” or “Elokim”) in these cases:
- When reciting a sentence or phrase from the Torah.
- For any type of teaching of Torah, blessings, and prayers to children up to bar/bat mitzva age.
- In Shabbat songs/zmirot.
- Place the tefila on your head tightly enough so it does not slip off under normal motion.
- Center the head tefila box on your forehead (as it appears to an average person. There is no need to look in a mirror.)
- Place the head tefila box with its front edge above your hairline (or where your hairline was when you were 13!), not further back than half-way on your skull from front to back.
- Ideally, place the knot at the back on your occipital bone (base of your skull), but you may place it lower as long as it is still on top of your hair.
- Say the second blessing, al mitzvat tefilin.
-
Tighten the tefila on your head and say, Baruch shem kevod malchuto l'olam va'ed
Reason “Al mitzvat tefilin” is a questionable blessing (safek bracha).
Note Tefilin head straps should reach at least to your navel (left strap) and mila (right strap).
- Holy writings that contain God's name.
- Parts of Tanach (24-book Jewish Bible).
- Explanations of the Torah or commandments.
Note You may find collection boxes (marked “sheimot/sheimos” or “geniza”) at a local Jewish school or synagogue into which you can deposit your sheimot items.
Note Tashmishei mitzva—items used to do a mitzva (such as talit or tzitzit)—must be wrapped in:
- One layer of plastic if they will be thrown away in dry trash, or
- Double layer of plastic if they will be thrown away into wet garbage.
- Handwritten scrolls of Torah, tefilin, mezuza.
- Printed Torah, Talmud, siddur, books of halacha, or Torah commentaries.
-
Newspapers and flyers that have Torah psukim or Torah commentaries and also have non-Torah content.
Reason Non-Torah material should not be buried as sheimot.
- Children's school handouts with psukim from the Torah or halachot that also contain non-Torah content (if they ONLY contain words of Torah, they should be buried as sheimot).
- Lulav,
- Etrog, or
- Talit/tzitzit (but NOT tefilin!)
- All talitot that you already put on.
- All talitot that you will put on later that day.
- If you go out of whichever building you are in when you say the blessing on your talit, you must say a new blessing if you put on a talit (even the same talit) in a different building.
Example You say the blessing over your talit gadol on the morning preceding Yom Kippur. You may intend for your blessing not to cover the talit gadol that you will put on just before Kol Nidrei.
Note If you don't have a talit gadol, say al mitzvat tzitzit over your talit katan.
Note If you remove your talit gadol, go to a different building, and put the talit gadol on again, you DO say a new blessing.
Any Jewish male, 13 years old or older, may say kiddush for anyone else, either gender and any age, even if he has already fulfilled his personal requirement of saying kiddush.
Any Jewish female, 12 years old or older, may say kiddush for any other females but not for men, except that on the 2 Passover seder nights, a Jewish female who is at least 12 years old may even say kiddush for men, if the men are not able to say it for themselves. (Women may also say kiddush for men on Shabbat evening).
Reason Any person who is obligated to fulfill the mitzva of kiddush may say it for another person. It is questionable whether women are obligated to say (or have said for them) Jewish festival morning kiddush.
Non-Kli
You may not use a kli for sukka schach.
A kli is any item created with the intention of being used as a tool or utensil to make an activity easier.
Examples
-
Bamboo if it had been used for any other purpose.
-
Wooden ladder.
-
Walking stick.
Non-Edible
A sukka's covering (schach) must consist of non-edible branches, leaves, or other materials of plant origin such as boards. You may use wooden boards (such as 2” x 4”s) to hold up schach, even though lumber is intended to be used for construction.
Size
Boards or tree trunks—whether used as schach or used to hold up schach--must be not more than 15 inches (38 cm) wide. A board--whether used as schach or used to hold up schach--more than 15 inches wide invalidates the area below it and you would have to sit under kosher schach in order to fulfill the mitzva. In the case of a board more than 15 inches wide: If the sukka has only three walls, the board may invalidate the sukka. Consult a rabbi.
Fresh
You may not use branches whose leaves will dry up in less than 8 days, intending to replace the branches with fresh ones during chol ha'moed; the custom is to use evergreen leaves only if you want to use leaves as schach.
Fasteners
Schach on the sukka must stay by itself without fasteners or connectors, even in a place with normally high wind. Any man-made fasteners--such as plastic, metal, or even hemp cord or rope--will invalidate the schach. If the schach will stay without them, then you may use fasteners or connectors as reinforcements.
Year-Round Structures
You may use a pergola, gazebo, or other type of awning frame or roof structure that exists year-round for a sukka as long as the other conditions (size, slope, materials, timing, etc.) are kosher. You must first remove any permanent roof coverings before putting on the schach.
Note The slope of the sukka roof must be less than 45 degrees from horizontal.
Who Is a Mourner
A mourner is defined in halacha as someone mourning during the 12-month mourning period for parents or the 30-day mourning period for the other five relatives (spouse, brother, sister, son, daughter). After 30 days, one is no longer a mourner for anyone but one's parents.
Mourners' Restrictions
If the mourner goes about business as usual, it may show he or she doesn't care about the close relative who died. The mourner should ideally not want to do these things. The mourner honors the dead person by refraining from pampering him/herself and refraining from going about his or her life as usual.
Public Meals
A mourner may not attend a public meal for any purpose. For example, if the mourner attends a lecture or Torah class at which food is being served, he or she may not eat the food. This only applies to sit-down meals; snacking is permitted.
Siyum/Brit/Bar Mitzva
After 30 days after a parent's burial, a mourner may:
- Attend a siyum or bar mitzva and eat there.
- Attend a brit but not eat there.
Weddings
A mourner may not eat at a wedding and may not even be in the wedding hall after the ceremony took. The mourner may also not hear the music at a wedding.
Exceptions- If the mourner is the parent of someone getting married, the mourner can fully participate in the wedding.
- If the mourner is the bride or groom, he or she must normally wait to get married until after shloshim/30 days.
Kiddush and Shabbat or Festival Meals
A mourner may not publicly (noticeably) mourn on Shabbat or festivals so he or she may attend Shabbat or festival meals and kiddushes if he or she would be expected to attend. If the mourner always or routinely invites some person or a lot of different people on Shabbat or festivals, it is still permitted. If the mourner does not routinely invite some person or a lot of different people to a Shabbat or festival meal, then he or she may not, for his or her own enjoyment, invite guests for meals. However, the mourner is permitted to do so for other purposes (for the benefit of the invited person or people), such as kiruv or hachnasat orchim. There is no limit to how many guests the mourner may host.
The mourner may attend or host a sheva brachot in his/her home.
A mourner should not be invited to meals, even for Shabbat or festivals; but if he/she was invited, he/she may go.
Holidays
A mourner does eat at a Purim or Jewish festival seuda, since there is no mourning on Purim nor on any festival (except Chanuka).
We say blessings as thanks to God for the good we receive from Him; this is a form of acknowledging and expressing gratitude (hakarat ha'tov).
Having an appreciation for the physical world and the beauty and goodness in it is a means of relating to God through Creation. People can maintain a continual awareness of, and relationship with, God by saying blessings:
- Before and after eating,
- After waking in the morning,
- At various types of life experiences, and
- In many other situations.
Blessings Formulations
Some blessings begin with Baruch ata adonai only; some blessings continue with eloheinu melech ha'olam. The shorter blessings come at the end of long (compound) blessings.
ReasonThere is no mention of malchut at the end of a blessing.
How To Say Blessings
When saying blessings or prayers, it is generally best to say the words of the blessing or prayer out loud since doing so can help you to concentrate on what is being said. (The main exception is the amida prayer.)Normally, you should stand while saying blessings before doing a mitzva, unless the mitzva is done while seated (in which case you sit when saying the blessing).
REASON So there is no delay between saying the blessing and doing the mitzva.
NOTE Although there is not necessarily any need to stand while doing mitzvot, many mitzvot are done while standing due to the nature of the mitzva or for convenience.
If you find you have made an error in saying a blessing or prayer, you may correct your error without having to repeat any previous parts if you do so within 2.5 seconds of having made the error.