- Pidyon ha'bein is done at least 30 days after the boy was born.
- The boy's father gives six genuine American silver dollars to any cohen. If there is no father, consult a rabbi.
- The boy's father says the blessing al pidyon ha'bein and she'hecheyanu.
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First child born of a mother must be male.
Note If a woman miscarries a fetus that has already developed limbs, any male child born after that is not considered a first-born male (bechor) and no pidyon is done.
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Boy must not have been born by caesarean section.
Note A boy who was born normally after his brother was born via caesarean section is NOT a bechor.
- Mother may not be the daughter of a cohen or levi (priestly family or assistants) and the father may not be a cohen or levi.
“First” applies to:
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First-Born/Petter Rechem
- First-born male children/petter rechem (redeemed with money; see Introduction to Pidyon HaBein).
- First-born male kosher domestic animals (calf, lamb, kid)/petter rechem (in Temple times: sacrificed on altar; now, permanent holy status--see Selling Mother Animal before Birth of Petter Rechem.
- First-born male donkeys/petter rechem chamor (redeemed with sheep/goat; holiness of both the donkey and the sheep or goat then disappears).
- Dough/Challa
- First Fruits/Bikurim
- First Shearing/Reishit HaGeiz
A mourner may not generally enter a hall of joyous celebration and may not eat at any public meal. During the year of mourning for parents, you may not join any public festivities (even if it is not a simcha) that have a meal, including any meals celebrating a mitzva (se'udat mitzva) such as for a brit mila, wedding, or redemption of a son (pidyon ha'ben). After 30 days, you may attend a bar mitzva or a siyum meal, since a bar mitzva is similar to a siyum since the child's parent's commandment to educate his/her child in Jewish education has been completed.
ExceptionA mourner whose child is getting married, does attend the wedding and does eat at the meal with everyone else, even if mourning for a parent. He or she does not need to leave the room when music is being played. To attend the wedding of anyone other than one's child, regardless of who died, a mourner must eat alone and outside the main dining area.
NoteIf you work at weddings (caterer, musician, etc.), you may attend weddings even before 30 days are up, but you may not join the meal.
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You may not eat meat or drink wine.
Exceptions
- You may drink wine on Shabbat (but not on Rosh Chodesh Av or erev Shabbat.)
- You may drink wine for havdala (but ideally give the wine or grape juice to a child between ages 6 and 10).
- You may eat meat or drink wine at a brit, siyum, or pidyon ha'ben.
- You may not wear freshly laundered clothes, or wear or buy new clothes.
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You may not wash yourself for pleasure.
Note Showering or bathing to clean one's soiled body is permitted (except on Tish'a b'Av). So you may bathe or shower during the Nine Days if you are dirty, sweaty, or smelly.
- You may not do any activities that involve luxury.
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You may not say she'hecheyanu except on Shabbat.
Note Therefore you should not buy new fruits or new items that you will enjoy during the Nine Days. But if you DO eat a new fruit or buy something new, you must say she'hecheyanu anyway.
Note A mother can leave whatever she wants to her children without being required to give twice as much to a son who is the first-born of his father.
Rabbinic guidance is recommended.